For those of you who were in church on Sunday, thanks for sitting through such an important and heavy topic. (For those who missed, please takea moment and read through the sermon notes at the end of this email, thanks.) It's sobering to think how divorce has had an effect on almost everyone in our church. We learned that (as always) the Bible sets a high standard for us. In an ideal world, anyone who gets married would realize the seriousness of the vows they take and never divorce. Problem is, we have this nasty problem of sin in our world. Sin invades everything including our marriages and families. Hence the problem of divorce in and outside of the church.
Thankfully, God's grace is bigger than we can fathom. Somehow, in the midst of the rampant divorce rate in the church, God forgives. Anyone who has been affected by divorce can be forgiven and move on. I pray that God will give us grace as a church to lovingly work through these issues with people. Please pray for your church leadership as we do our best to look at each case individually and ask for God's wisdom as we give out advice. I'd love to hear any of your comments on this touchy subject. If there is something you'd like to add from Sunday's sermon that didn't get discussed, please do so here. We could get some healthy dialog going.
My prayer is that our church will exhibit love and grace as we hold to the high Biblical standard that God has for us in every area of our lives.
11 comments:
Hey Evan,
Roman asked the question in church this past Sunday about how if someone gets married outside the church does it count in Gods eyes. Your response was why would they? or what's the point? I can think of at least two reasons why people would do this - for citizenship and or for job benefits (i.e. the military pay and medical insurance). These couples are considered married by the law but are they married in Gods eyes?
What great question, thanks. Pretty much every time I do a wedding for a couple, about 2 wks before the big day they are so stressed out they want to run off to Vegas and elope. When I inform them that the only thing that makes them legally married in the state of Ca. is $50.00 and a signed certificate by me (and that we can do that right in my office), they are often tempted to do just that.
So, you've got "married" in the eyes of the state and "married" in God's eyes. We know what the state requires, what about God? The Bible clearly speaks of the sanctity of marriage. Consequently, sex is held in the same high regard. So, in an ideal situation a couple doesn't have sex until they are married and what "seals the deal" and makes them married in God's eyes is the act of sex. You can't get any closer to a person than through sex, so that's why God wants that sacred act reserved for marriage where a couple has committed their lives to each other.
I know plenty of people get married for reasons other than Biblical. Are they married in God's eyes though? Well sort of. God recognizes all humans and all that we do. However, if a couple has not first committed their hearts to Jesus and consequently their marriage to God, then they aren't fully married in God's eyes, at least not as much as they could be. I believe there is so much more they could be experiencing on a spiritual level individually and as a couple if their marriage was committed to God.
God always wants to best for us and it's our choice as to if we will take his path or our own.
I forgot to leave this link in my last response. There are some good thoughts here from John Piper worth reading over:
http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Sermons/ByDate/2007/2233 What_God_has_joined_together_let_not_man_separate_part 2/
Good message on Sunday, Evan.
Obviously today divorce is common. Although there are some reasons that merit a divorce (abuse or adultery), I personally think that God honors those who honor them. This may be tough if one person is unwilling to submit to God.
I'm saying this not because I've been married 20 years, but I've witnessed this as a youth/teen in my parents marriage.
It was a marriage that was all but broken. There were issues of verbal abuse and at one point my parents seperated. But somehow, they stuck to it and tried to work things out with God. They went to counseling from a Christian pastor and eventually gave their marriage up to God. It was testimony to me of how powerful God is and how God can overcome any obstacle in a marriage.
Today, I'm proud to say that my parents have been married for over 25 years and it's getting better everyday. Sure, there are scars from the past, but the pain is gone.
Does God forgive you if you have had sex outside of marriage/before marriage?
Yes, God's forgiveness is there no matter what we do. Sometimes it's hard to accept and understand that, but it's true.
The key though, is not to abuse that grace and forgiveness. If someone continues to have sex outside of marriage, then they are abusing God's forgiveness. As Romans 6:1 says, "What shall we say then, shall we continue in sin that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin how can we live in it any longer?"
Once you recognize the sanctity of sex, you should do your best to save it for inside a loving, committed, Christian marriage.
I would add here (to the question posed by "anonymous") that although God forgives us for sex outside marriage (and anything else for which we ask forgiveness, for that matter) often the hard part is forgiving ourselves. The ripple effect of sin can affect us for the rest of our lives, even if God has wiped the slate clean.
Evan,
Does God look at who is the one to actually end a marriage?. To be the spouse that indicates a marriage is unfixable (as a Christian)says as a Christian that God is not capable of miracles in the case of Neils parents. How long does one spouse have to wait for the other to file for divorce before being considered the one to "end the marriage"?. In other words, one spouse has indicated "I will not be the one to allow the enemy to win. I won't be the one to end the marriage" but the other spouse does not agree and that spouse does nothing (counseling/ filing for divorce/ any attempt at anything, literally nothing)at what point am I held accountable for "ending the marriage". How does God look at this? Am I considered the one to have ended the marriage? I'm ready to file for divorce now, but unsure of my christian accountability in God's eyes.
When we look at divorce from a Biblical standpoint, the only justification is adultery.
Matthew 19:9
"I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."
I know there are always other circumstances to be considered such as abuse. However, if we are going to be faithful to the Bible, then the rules for divorce are tight.
So, in this situation the question is "Who files for divorce and as a result carries around that "burden" for the rest of their lives?"
I know God is sad when all marriages end, no matter who files for divorce. If one spouse is running from the responsibility of either resolving the marriage or ending it, then that is a whole 'nother issue. By that person saying "I'm not going to be the one to let the enemy win", yet take no responsiblity for counseling etc., they are running from that responsibility. The enemy is already winning if the couple is separated and there is no effort being made to restore the marriage.
God is obvioiusly capable of miracles in every marital situation where strife is present. How long does one wait for that miracle though? These are questions that have to be answered by each individual as they stand accountable before God.
I would encourage you to (somehow) be patient in this situation. Pray like crazy for God's wisdom. If your spouse is not threatening your life or well being, then wait it out.
Why do I say this? I guess I'm willing to hold out for God's miracle to happen. Remember, if adultery is not involved, then Biblically there is no grounds for divorce. I believe your Christian accountabliity is to trust God for now and not doing anything drastic too soon. I know that's not easy, but just the fact that you are concerned about the responsibility of actually filing for divorce shows that you want to do the right thing in God's eyes.
See also 1 Cor. 7:10-16
What if you were to marry a non Christian? How does God look upon us for that? Can you just pray that your spouse will become to know Christ?
To anonymous...The Bible tells us not to be "unequally yoked."
"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?" - 2 Corinthians 6:14
I believe this was Paul's advice to the early church of Corinth in that marrying an unbeliever will be a detriment to a Christian walk.
While I don't think its necessariy a sin to be married to an unbeliever, living a Christian life with an unbeliever is difficult.
I don't think anyone could go into a marriage thinking that they'll change them or that God will change them....I think it's basically telling God he'd better save whoever you're marrying.
The Bible later tells Christians who are married to unbelievers to pray for their spouses...Because of the times, Christianity was fairly new and people were becoming converted after they were married. It was common to have a Christian and non-Christian married to each other.
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