Relationships

Relationships, part 1, Ephesians 5:1-22
Intro… “Dr. Phil, Oprah, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” etc. There is endless advice out there on relationships.
• They are confined to the limits of public television, etc.
• Let’s take a look at the Biblical standard for human relationships. Warning, the bar is set high!
• This series is straight up solid advice from the Bible, most likely stuff we don’t want to hear.
• Today we’ll start out with general guidelines for all us, single or married.

Text: Eph. 5: 1-3, 5, 11, 15-16, 18, 21.
Big Picture: When you need relationship advice, go right to the source, the Bible. From there, counsel with godly Christian people/couples you respect.

5:1 Be imitators of God. (not the latest celebrity or great book you’ve read)
• Unless that book is rooted in solid, biblical advice, don’t take it too seriously.
• Imitate God In every area of our lives.
• Start with that premise and it will positively affect all areas.

5:3 No sexual immorality (not even a hint)
• Greek word: porneia, “unchasity, prostitution, fornication (sexual intercourse between a man and a woman not married to each other)
• This covers everything from our thought life to what we see on TV, movies, magazines, the internet, our language, how we interact with others….
• Sexual purity is the duty of all Christians! Men, women, boys, girls, single, married, engaged, divorced, looking for love, confused about love, confused about your sexual identity.
• God’s design for human love relationships is one man, one woman married for life. Gen. 2:24, Mark 10:7-9
• No sex outside of marriage…

• Sexual immorality and impurity is improper for God’s holy people. It just doesn’t make any sense. ( End of v. 3)
• That’s why it’s so sensational when a high profile Christian has a sexually immoral fall.

v. 4 And if you think you are doing ok because you are not presently sexually immoral…we also need to avoid:
• Obscenity
• Foolish talk
• Coarse joking
• These are all out of place (don’t make sense) for the Christian.
• Once again the Bible does a great job of nailing all of us.

v. 5 Here comes a harsh warning:
• No one that is immoral, impure, greedy or an idolater has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.
• This doesn’t mean that people who have lived this way can’t ever go to heaven…v. 8
• It does mean that if someone continues to live an immoral life, it could keep them from being humble enough to realize the error of their ways and accept God’s forgiveness.
• “God never tolerates sin which has no place in His kingdom, nor will any person whose life pattern is one of habitual immorality, impurity and greed be in His kingdom because no such person is saved.” John McArthur
• These are the things that incur God’s wrath.
• Therefore, have nothing to do with them!

v. 8-14 As Christians, we should know better!
• Live as children of light.
• Think of all the adult clubs or men’s club out there.
• All the windows are darkened…partly to keep minors or others from peering in, but also to hide the guilty parties on the inside.
• Everyone is guilty of wrong doing, from the owners, to the dancers, to the customers!

• Imagine if you were to walk in there with a bright spot-light…that’s what it means to be children of light.
• That’s what v. 11-13 is telling us to do…

v. 18 And here’s something that will really help…
• Don’t get drunk. When you fill yourself up with performance altering drink or drugs, that when stupid happens.
• It leads to debauchery. (extreme indulgence in sensuality, seduction from virtue or duty.)
• Synonyms: corruption, vice, depravity, immorality, iniquity, licentiousness, profligacy, sin.
• I know the concept of getting drunk seems appealing (for various reasons to various peole), but the Bible is telling us not to do it.
• Instead be filled with the Holy Spirit.

v. 15, 19-21 So, how is the Christian supposed to live?
• It’s not that complicated, it’s the opposite of what we just read.
• Live as biblically wise people.
• Make the most of every opportunity (to be godly).
• Don’t be foolish, continue to seek what the Lord’s will is.

v. 19-21 Look at these beautiful words in stark contrast to words like debauchery, depravity or iniquity:
• Speak to one another in hymns and spiritual songs
• Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord
• Always give thanks to God for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
• Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
• What a beautiful concept, putting our own needs aside and submitting to one another.
• “How can I help/serve you?”
• “How can I treat you kindly and with proper respect?”
• “How can our relationship bring honor to God?”


Conclusion: The Eddie Fisher article, his life, many marriages etc.

"Hipster Christianity: Where Church and Cool Collide"

The Perils of 'Wannabe Cool' Christianity
By BRETT MCCRACKEN(Please see Corrections & Amplifications item below.)
'How can we stop the oil gusher?" may have been the question of the summer for most Americans. Yet for many evangelical pastors and leaders, the leaking well is nothing compared to the threat posed by an ongoing gusher of a different sort: Young people pouring out of their churches, never to return.
As a 27-year-old evangelical myself, I understand the concern. My peers, many of whom grew up in the church, are losing interest in the Christian establishment.
Recent statistics have shown an increasing exodus of young people from churches, especially after they leave home and live on their own. In a 2007 study, Lifeway Research determined that 70% of young Protestant adults between 18-22 stop attending church regularly.
Statistics like these have created something of a mania in recent years, as baby-boomer evangelical leaders frantically assess what they have done wrong (why didn't megachurches work to attract youth in the long term?) and scramble to figure out a plan to keep young members engaged in the life of the church.
Increasingly, the "plan" has taken the form of a total image overhaul, where efforts are made to rebrand Christianity as hip, countercultural, relevant. As a result, in the early 2000s, we got something called "the emerging church"—a sort of postmodern stab at an evangelical reform movement. Perhaps because it was too "let's rethink everything" radical, it fizzled quickly. But the impulse behind it—to rehabilitate Christianity's image and make it "cool"—remains.
There are various ways that churches attempt to be cool. For some, it means trying to seem more culturally savvy. The pastor quotes Stephen Colbert or references Lady Gaga during his sermon, or a church sponsors a screening of the R-rated "No Country For Old Men." For others, the emphasis is on looking cool, perhaps by giving the pastor a metrosexual makeover, with skinny jeans and an $80 haircut, or by insisting on trendy eco-friendly paper and helvetica-only fonts on all printed materials. Then there is the option of holding a worship service in a bar or nightclub (as is the case for L.A.'s Mosaic church, whose downtown location meets at a nightspot called Club Mayan).
"Wannabe cool" Christianity also manifests itself as an obsession with being on the technological cutting edge. Churches like Central Christian in Las Vegas and Liquid Church in New Brunswick, N.J., for example, have online church services where people can have a worship experience at an "iCampus." Many other churches now encourage texting, Twitter and iPhone interaction with the pastor during their services.
But one of the most popular—and arguably most unseemly—methods of making Christianity hip is to make it shocking. What better way to appeal to younger generations than to push the envelope and go where no fundamentalist has gone before?
Sex is a popular shock tactic. Evangelical-authored books like "Sex God" (by Rob Bell) and "Real Sex" (by Lauren Winner) are par for the course these days. At the same time, many churches are finding creative ways to use sex-themed marketing gimmicks to lure people into church.
Oak Leaf Church in Cartersville, Georgia, created a website called yourgreatsexlife.com to pique the interest of young seekers. Flamingo Road Church in Florida created an online, anonymous confessional (IveScrewedUp.com), and had a web series called MyNakedPastor.com, which featured a 24/7 webcam showing five weeks in the life of the pastor, Troy Gramling. Then there is Mark Driscoll at Seattle's Mars Hill Church—who posts Q&A videos online, from services where he answers questions from people in church, on topics such as "Biblical Oral Sex" and "Pleasuring Your Spouse."
But are these gimmicks really going to bring young people back to church? Is this what people really come to church for? Maybe sex sermons and indie- rock worship music do help in getting people in the door, and maybe even in winning new converts. But what sort of Christianity are they being converted to?
In his book, "The Courage to Be Protestant," David Wells writes:"The born-again, marketing church has calculated that unless it makes deep, serious cultural adaptations, it will go out of business, especially with the younger generations. What it has not considered carefully enough is that it may well be putting itself out of business with God.
"And the further irony," he adds, "is that the younger generations who are less impressed by whiz-bang technology, who often see through what is slick and glitzy, and who have been on the receiving end of enough marketing to nauseate them, are as likely to walk away from these oh-so-relevant churches as to walk into them."
If the evangelical Christian leadership thinks that "cool Christianity" is a sustainable path forward, they are severely mistaken. As a twentysomething, I can say with confidence that when it comes to church, we don't want cool as much as we want real.
If we are interested in Christianity in any sort of serious way, it is not because it's easy or trendy or popular. It's because Jesus himself is appealing, and what he says rings true. It's because the world we inhabit is utterly phony, ephemeral, narcissistic, image-obsessed and sex-drenched—and we want an alternative. It's not because we want more of the same.
Corrections & Amplifications
Pastor Mark Driscoll at Seattle's Mars Hill Church has talked about sexual topics in church services but says he has not delivered sermons with sex-themed titles. An earlier version of this column mistakenly used the word sermon.
Mr. McCracken's book, "Hipster Christianity: Where Church and Cool Collide" (Baker Books) was published this month.

Is it ok to be angry at God?

Jonah 4:1-3 Jonah’s complaint to God

Intro…VIDEO The Fray, "You found me"
• Is it ok to get angry at God?
• Most of us have had plenty of opportunities in our lives to be mad at God.
• Life doesn’t always go as we have planned it. In fact, there is often more to be confused about and even angry at in life then the things that make sense.
• Sometimes life just stinks.

Big Picture: The bible tells us to not let the sun go down on our anger. That applies to human relationship as well as our relationship to God.

• Yet anger is a God given human emotion.
• Ephesians 4:26-27
• Being a Christian is no guarantee of a happy life.
• I do believe God wants us to express all our emotions to him.
• It’s not like he doesn’t know what’s going on anyways…

Text: Jonah 4:1-3

v. 1 Jonah was greatly displeased and became angry (with God).
• Did Jonah have a right to be angry at God? (Yes and No…)
• It really comes down to Jonah’s immaturity and disobedience.
• Jonah was selfish, looking out for his own interests.
• He still hated the Ninevites. That’s something he needed to deal with.
• Jonah was like many of the Jews that did not want to share God’s message with Gentile nations.
• They had forgotten their original purpose as a nation, to be a blessing to the rest of the world. (Gen. 22:18)

It’s actually Biblical to be honest before God. Let’s look at a few examples.
• Psalm 13:1-6, 35:17-18, 42:9-11

So let’s say you are plenty mad at God for whatever reason. What to do?
• Read the Pslams…
• Many of the Psalms offer brutal honesty before God.
• When you are full of emotions, that is a great time to read the Psalms. You’ll relate to the lows and the highs of human emotion.
• We don’t want to make the mistake as Christians to fake it like everything is ok, just because we “trust in Jesus.”
• We DO trust in Jesus, but that doesn’t mean we won’t feel some pain and confusion as we go through life.
• It is better to get it all out and let God help us work through our feelings and learn how to deal with the problem.
• Confession is good for the soul…even when the confession is expressed in anger towards God.

v. 2 Jonah is again wrestling with God, just like he did at the beginning of the story.
• He ran from God out of disobedience, but also because he didn’t want to see God save his enemies.
• How could God save such a wicked people? Yet, that’s exactly what God specializes in…
• It’s like Johan doesn’t even realize what he’s saying here, “I know that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity.”
• Just because we may be mad at God, it doesn’t mean we need to abandon our relationship with him and forget all that we know about him.
• Think about those in your family, close friends etc. You disagree, fight and even get angry with them, right?
• Yet, you usually work it out and come back together.

v. 3 O Lord, take away my life.
• Jonah had run from the job of delivering God’s message of destruction to Nineveh, then he wanted to die because the destruction didn’t happen.
• O how quickly Jonah had forgotten God’s mercy for him when he was in the fish.
• Jonah may have been expressing the reality of breaking his vow in 2:9.
• In essence he’s saying, “I’d rather die than comply with your will.”
• Oh…that is a dangerous place to be.
• If we ever get to the point where we are fighting with God so much that we’d rather die than follow his will, we are in serious trouble.
• Being real with God, even angry at him can actually deepen your relationship with him.
• God is not obligated to give us anything, much less what we desire. We’re all sinners and the wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23), so they only thing we deserve from God – what our works merit – is death and judgment.
• That we don’t receive this from God is a testament to his abundant grace.
• Continual anger at God reflects an extreme lack of gratitude for what he has done.
• Yes, I know some of life’s situations seem dire, but once you’ve worked through the grieving process, there is much to be thankful for.

Conclusion:
• Jonah was angry because his will did not prevail; rather, God’s will did.
• Yes it’s ok to be angry at God initially, but not to stay angry.
• We need to come back to human relationships.
• In the same way that you don’t want to hold a grudge against someone, you should only be angry at God for a certain period of time.
• Otherwise you continually break that fellowship with God
• Job 19, 42:1-6

Of the 7 deadly sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back--in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you.
Frederick Buechner,


































I found God On the corner of First and Amistad
I said, "Where you been?" He said, "Ask anything".

[Verse 2]
Where were you When everything was falling apart?
All my days Were spent by the telephone
That never rang And all I needed was a call
That never came To the corner of First and Amistad

[Chorus 1]
Lost and insecure You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late You found me, you found me

[Verse 3]
In the end Everyone ends up alone
Losing her The only one who's ever known


I've been callin' For years and years and years and years
And you never left me no messages Ya never send me no letters
You got some kinda nerve Taking all I want


Surrounded, surrounded Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?

Just a little late You found me, you found me
Why'd you have to wait? To find me, to find me

Big Wednesday 2010

This is the annual "Big Wednesday, skip work and surf day" that our VW club puts on every August. People have stood by this shack at San Onofre and had their picture taken since at least the 1940's. Always nice to be a part of surfing lore.

Contrite before God Jonah 3:4-10

Contrite before God Jonah 3:4-10

Four preachers met for a friendly gathering. During the conversation one preacher said, "Our people come to us and pour out their hears, confess certain sins and needs. Let's do the same. Confession is good for the soul." In due time all agreed. One confessed he liked to go to movies and would sneak off when away from his church. The second confessed to liking to smoke cigars and the third one confessed to liking to play cards. When it came to the fourth one, he wouldn't confess. The others pressed him saying, "Come now, we confessed ours. What is your secret or vice?" Finally he answered, "It is gossiping and I can hardly wait to get out of here."

Big Picture: Who knows, God may yet relent and with compassion turn from his fierce anger so that we will not perish.
Text: Jonah 3:4-10

3:4 God’s message of repentance is for everyone.
• In this case the message was; “Repent and turn to God within 40 days or you will be overturned.”
• God wanted the Ninevites to repent and turn to him.
• Jonah still hated them and was a reluctant prophet (as we’ll see next week in chapter 4).
• Yes, Jonah finally obeyed God but he still need to repent of his hatred toward the Ninevites.
• We tend to think of Jonah as this great prophet who helped bring the Ninevites to repentance.
• Actually, Jonah had plenty to repent of even after he was thrown off the ship, swallowed by a large fish and spit out onto dry land.
• God needed to get his attention…continually!
• As a result, the wholesale repentance of the Ninevites was a miraculous work of God, not Jonah.
• “Pagan sailors and a pagan city responded to the reluctant prophet, showing the power of God in spite of His servant’s weakness.”
• At times we think “Oh that person will never come to Jesus.” Or,
“Those people are so wild, they are going to party all the way to Hell.”
• God’s message of repentance and the need for a savior is for everyone. No one is beyond his grasp.

3: 5-6 The response of the Ninevites serves as a great example for us today.
• They listened to God, changed their ways and took His message seriously.
• The repentance of the Ninevites stood in stark contrast to Israel’s stubbornness.
• The people of Israel had heard many messages from the prophets, but they refused to repent.
• The people of Nineveh only needed to hear God’s message once.
• Matthew 12:39-41

As a sign of obedience to God, the people of Nineveh declared a fast, put on sackcloth, sat down in the dust and ashes.
• Fasting
- Too often, the focus of fasting is on the lack of food.
- Instead, the purpose of fasting should be to take your eyes off the things of this world to focus completely on God.

- Distress and Grief. David fasted as a sign of grief when Abner was murdered (2 Samuel 3:35). There was a seven-day fast at the death of Saul (1 Samuel 31:13).

- Spiritual Preparation. Fasting is a self-sacrifice that makes one humble and more accepting of God's will. Moses fasted for forty days in preparation for receiving the Ten Commandments (Exodus 34:28). Daniel fasted for three weeks before receiving his vision (Daniel 10:2-6). Elijah fasted forty days before speaking with God (1 Kings 19:8). Jesus fasted for forty days in preparation for His temptation by the devil (Matthew 4:1-11, Luke 4:1-13).

- Repentance and Atonement. When Jonah predicted the downfall of Nineveh, The Ninevites fasted as a sign of repentance in hopes God would spare their city (Jonah 3:3-9). The Day of Atonement was an annual obligatory day of rest and fasting for the Israelites (Numbers 29:7). When the Israelites had sinned, they often humbled themselves and fasted in hopes of regaining God's favor (Judges 20:26, 1 Samuel 7:6).

Fasting is a way to demonstrate to God, and to ourselves, that we are serious about our relationship with Him.
- Fasting helps us gain a new perspective and a renewed reliance upon God.
- Anything given up temporarily in order to focus all our attention on God can be considered a fast.
- What are some things you could fast from in your life to better focus on God?
- 2 Corinthians 7:1

• Sackcloth and ashes (Job)
- A symbol of sorrow and repentance,
- It was a course, dark cloth unfit for normal wear, think burlap sack. Made of coarse black goat's hair. Rev. 6:12
• Sitting down in the dust
- A sign of helplessness and despair.
- Job 2:8, 42:6, Esther 4:1, Micah 1:10

v. 7 There was such a need for repentance that the King made an official decree:
• He traded his royal robes for sackcloth and ashes.
• No eating or drinking (fasting)
• Man and animal covered in sackcloth
• Everyone call urgently on God, give up their evil and violent ways.
• And then, who knows, God may yet relent and with compassion turn from his fierce anger so that we will not perish.
• This is called a holy fear or respect for God.
• “Correct me Lord, but only with justice, not in your anger, lest you reduce me to nothing.” Jeremiah 10:24

v. 10 Sure enough, God saw their seriousness, how they turned from their evil ways and he then had compassion.
• He didn’t bring upon them the destruction (they deserved) and he had threatened.
• God responded in mercy.
• God can respond either way though, when it comes to our wickedness and disobedience.
• He can just as easy go ahead with his planned destruction…and we never want to forget that.
• Jeremiah 18:7-8

Conclusion:
• In verse 4, The Hebrew word for overturned (hawfak) could be taken two ways: destroyed or turned around (brought to repentance).
• God still has the ability to either flip our lives upside down (overturn) or bring us to full repentance.
• The question is, “How do we respond when we know God is asking us to change?”
• All of Nineveh was converted despite Jonah’s reluctant, half-hearted preaching.
• Psalm 106:43-45

Communion intro…

Second chances Jonah 3:1-3

Jonah 3:1-3
Intro…The tree fall, God giving me a “second chance”
• I’m sure many of you have had “second chance” experiences in your lives.

Big Picture: God, in his grace and mercy will give us a second chance when it come to following His calling for our lives. However, let’s not let it get to that point.

Text: Jonah 3:1-3

v. 1 And the word of the Lord came to Jonah a second time…
• Jonah had run away from God, but is now given a second chance to participate in God’s work.
• I’m sure there are times we feel disqualified for God’s work for whatever reason…. ”O, God could never use me.” Past mistakes etc.
• God is all about forgiveness, redemption, mercy, second chances.
• And the thing is, we all need those second chances many times throughout our lives.
• None of us are really qualified to be on mission for God…yet all of us are qualified.
• God specializes in using fallible humans to get his work done…and Jonah is a prime example.
• Serving God is not an earned position, we are privileged and blessed to be used by God.
• There is nothing we can do to earn his favor.
• God gives us all second chances to hear his voice and respond.
• God was gracious in giving Jonah a second chance.
Jonah is the only prophet actually sent by God to preach repentance in a foreign land.
• It was over 500 miles from Joppa to Nineveh.
• There are so many great missions that God wants us to be a part of.
• What is God calling you to do? Are you on your second call from God?

v. 2 Go to (Nineveh) and proclaim the message I give you.
• Jonah was told by God to speak a message of doom to one of the most powerful cities in the world.
• This certainly wasn’t an easy thing to do, but bringing God’s message cannot be hampered by social pressures or fear of people.
• The girl Zach meet at orientation last week, sharing her faith...
• We are called to preach the message of God’s truth no matter how unpopular it may be.
• Where is God calling you to go preach the message?
• God will give us the words to speak…
• Matthew 10:19-20, Luke 12:11, 21:14-15

v. 3 Jonah obeyed the word of the Lord…
• Such an important group of words.
• Our lives would be so much easier if we would just do that.
• When God calls us on a mission, the task or journey doesn’t always make sense.
• VIDEO “We’re on a mission from God.”
• I know that’s a silly video, but as we understand God’s calling on our lives, it’s with a sense of mission that we too are sent out.
• If you remember from that movie, nothing was going to stop Jake and Elwood Blues from delivering the money.
Jonah ran from God the first time around because he hated the Assyrians and Ninevites…
• However, God is persistent…God got his man in Jonah.
• God will “get” us to. It’s just a matter of how much we’ll resist him initially.

v. 3 Now Nineveh was an very important city…
• Every city is important to God. Why? Because cities are full of people!
• God knew the wicked people on Nineveh needed him.
• God knows the wicked people of Encinitas need him.
• Let’s pray that God will use our church to bring people to him.
• God also loves all of San Diego.
• CityFest Sept. 11th…VIDEO

• The reason it took Jonah three days to cover Nineveh…it was about 60 miles around, 175,000 people.
• Unfortunately, the Ninevites repentance was temporary.
• They eventually reverted to their wicked ways and were overthrown in 612 BC.
• However, We serve an extravagant God who is interested a people who don’t retain their repentance.
• This story reminds us that God cares about us enough to turn our hearts to him.
• The story of Jonah is an amazing reminder of the love that God has for his creation and his radical willingness to seek out the most distant, rebellious people and restore them to His grace.

Conclusion:
Watching a trapeze show is breathtaking. We wonder at the dexterity and timing. We gasp at near-misses. In most cases, there is a net underneath. When they fall, they jump up and bounce back to the trapeze. In Christ, we live on the trapeze. The whole world should be able to watch and say, "Look how they live, how they love one another. Look how well the husbands treat their wives. And aren't they the best workers in the factories and offices, the best neighbors, the best students?" That is to live on the trapeze, being a show to the world. What happens when we slip? The net is surely there. The blood of our Lord, Jesus Christ, has provided forgiveness for ALL our trespasses. Both the net and the ability to stay on the trapeze are works of God's grace. Of course, we cannot be continually sleeping on the net., If that is the case, I doubt whether that person is a trapezist.